Behind the carnage, I was genuinely good-hearted
All through my mental illness; I tried to make the best of it, to be a nice person
And there was no one more emphatic than me and if any had a problem I would drop everything and run to them.
But my life was not somewhere you could like to go to vacation and in all this am hurt in life.
I hurt myself doing things that could make other people happy, things I might regret later on, all this I do thinking and lying to myself of being happy
I hurt no one more than I have chosen to hurt myself, most days I spent my days feeling sorry for myself and anyone who has been a victim of it
Yet hidding and lying about it was my favourite hobby.
One day I discovered myself
Why I should I be kinder when I can be kind and fierce at the same time
Time to stop struggling with my emotional, mental state, yes it may be difficult most times trying to act with integrity all the time but when I found myself behaving less than the ideal way, I have to remind myself to do the "Next Right Thing" to stick to my principle of finding self-peace.
I stoped fighting to be perfect
I have to put an end to beating myself up and validating the attempts I'm making to do the right thing in finding myself peace.
And I try to make amend as quickly as possible when I get to hurt others which shows I have improved in my actions towards my fellow human's
This alone was a path of relive from any ill feeling or guilt.
I have gotten to understand that people not living the same way like me doesn't matter because everybody will have their conscience to fight with at the end of the long run
So this I have chosen to respond in a way that gives me peace of mind by not allowing negativity dominate my thinking thereby trying to understand others rather than judging them
Forgiving and being free thereby being in peace with my head and heart.
When I get angry I first think of the implications of my next actions
It's always tempting to lose yourself when frustrated but I have to think of my actions before doing anything so most times I sign up to being silent than doing something that will jeopardise my peace of mind
Understanding this lovely sense of peace has come about by fully acknowledging the time I have, by trying to notice my progress when am struggling and at the end of the day I summarize my level of integrity and have time of my own.
Discovering self-peace involves the following process
1. Discovering yourself 2.Doing the next right thing 3. Let go of being perfect 4. Make amends immediately 5. Learn to be patient 6. Be in peace with your head and heart 7. Think long term
Thanks for taking your time in reading this and don't forget to vote and also my inbox is open for any form of discussion.